Listen, sometimes my heart is grieved with my own struggle. Sometimes I have nothing to say but, I am weak. Sometimes I get incredibly frustrated with myself, and I have a dark night of the soul. Am I the only one? I somehow doubt it.. So, I wanted to share with you this inner struggle I have experienced and what I feel the Lord says to it.
I feel terribly uncomfortable in the struggle. I naturally want to define things, to put a period on all of my sentences; even the ones that aren’t finished yet. This is a fault sometimes. I seek resolution, I’m a good at accomplishing goals, and spelling out processes but, I feel uncomfortable when there’s an internal struggle that I can't master the self-effort to overcome. When I don’t know where I’m going, when I can’t understand my feelings. When I struggle to make the right decisions. When I know what is right, but I can’t seem to do it.
There are days when all I can say is, I’m terribly weak. I’m weak; a defeated and helplessness cry. I set out to try hard!, to get it right, to not make the same mistake again. With every failure, I set my face to TRY HARDER! But there are days when I am confronted with my frailty and feel nothing but weak.
I heard a familiar song today and was deeply moved. (Below)
I was reminded, that God sees the weak reach of our hearts towards him, he notices it, and he is moved by it! He sees that we want to love Him, we want to choose what is right.. even though we keep falling, and he is moved by us, and assures us that we will learn to walk.
“Cuz, I thought I’d be a little further by now,
I thought I’d be more mature, have more to say, feel deeper things.”
Sometimes it seems like we take 3 steps back. We think we should be further ahead than we are. We are surprised that we’re still struggling with things we thought we dealt with long ago, but God is not.
I forget in all my striving that, humanity proved that it was impossible to live up to the law. And that Christ died to pay for what we could never pay. That, I am still unable to live up to it, and His sacrifice is still enough. God already knows that we’re unable and He loves us. We’re the ones who don’t realize it.
“I love the way you’re growing,
You’re leaning, you’re loving, you’re learning
It’s not as small as it seems”
Listen to this song, and I pray that you are moved by it’s truth.
Press Play
Do You Know The Way You Move Me
Davy Flowers
Child: Father here I am, can you see me again
Sometimes, it’s silent, sometimes I feel alone.
Father can you see me again.
Tell me again what you see, tell me again how you love me, tell me how my weak reach really moves you.
Because Father, to me it’s very, very, very weak
But, what is it like to you
Father, I believe the lies of what man has told me
But, Father, I bring my heart into agreement with your word
Cuz I thought I’d be a little further by now
I thought I’d be more mature, have more to say, feel deeper things
Father, do you see? Do you hear me?
Father: Do you know how you caught my eye
In the secret place, where you chose to die
Child: I believe, only help my unbelief
F: Do you know the way you move me
C: I’m still growing, still maturing, but I still have trouble Lord,
but I am very, very weak, but this accusation’s killing me
F: I love your weak reach, I'm so proud of you
C: I’m just a seed, not yet a tree, still growing, do you want me this way
F: Keep on reaching keep on trying keep on looking at me, it moves me
C: But I struggle to love, struggle to pray, struggle to stay another day
F: But I love you in the struggle, I’m so proud of you
C: What about the days that I’m bored, that I’m tired, and feeling nothing God
F: I’m so proud of you, don’t believe the accuser, I’m so proud of you
C: But compared to the rest I’m the weakest one, God
F: I’m not looking at them, I’m looking at you, so proud of you..
C: Are you really, are you really proud, do you really, do you really love me God
F: What your father couldn’t see, I see, I’m so proud of you
When you didn’t have a father, I was your father, I am your father, and I’m so proud of you
C: I’m not a tree, I’m still growing
But I’m just a seed, not yet a tree, barely growing
F: But I love the way you look at me, I love the way you keep choosing to die
C: But I’m just a seed, not yet a tree, still maturing slowing
F: But so few have chosen this narrow way, and you have, I’m so proud of you
C: Are you proud of me,
F: I’m so proud of you
C: Do you really love me
F: I really love
C: Do you really want me
F: I really want you
C: Do you really see me
F: I see you
C: I’m just a seed, not yet a tree
F: I love the way you’re growing,
You’re leaning, your loving, your learning
It’s not as small as it seems
C: I’m trying to believe, help my unbelief
F: I’ll be your strength each day, I’m so proud of you
C: I’m trying to feel it, trying to know it, help my unbelief
F: I’m so proud of you
C: Give me grace, give me grace, give me grace
F: Do you know, how you caught my eye
In the secret place…
Where you chose to die…
C: I believe, only help my unbelief
A prayer:
Lord, I pray that the more we are confronted with our weakness the more we accept your gift and rely on your strength. Move us towards you. Show us your face; a loving, sympathetic, strong Father.
The Father is so loving, and so kind. He has sympathy for us and cares for us in our weakness. Keep moving towards Him. Accept your weakness and accept His hand. He knows.
