Thursday, July 22, 38 Weeks | I remember the morning well. I was wearing a brown linen dress; tan from a very pregnant summer, sitting in the garden, with my friend Sharon and her little girls. We were having coffee and enjoying the mid-summer blooms. It was a beautiful, sunny day and I felt so happy. I had started leaking that morning and wondered if it was my water breaking. Hmmh? I mentioned it to Sharon but since my midwife, Gail was coming out that afternoon for an appointment I didn’t worry about it. I thought to myself, as I sat surrounded by flowers and friendship, how this would be the perfect day to go into labor.
The amniotic fluid test was inconclusive so we waited to either go into labor or see if it was something else. I called Wayne and a sense of excitement came over both of us. I went and got a massage to encourage things to move along and we took a walk together in the holler. We both went to bed that night with nervous anticipation. I knew I only had so long after my water broke that I would be allowed to start labor naturally and if not I’d have to go into the hospital to be induced. I was planning a home birth. My doula was the first person I called the first time around when I got pregnant (before miscarrying) and she recommended a home birth to me, and a fabulous midwife (Gail) who had worked in hospitals for 30 years but is practicing at home since Covid hit and women wanted more options. I thought that sounded crazy, and Wayne even more so. As I thought about it and my baby grew inside of me, some kind of maternal instinct began to lean toward this option though. We live 10 minutes from the nearest hospital and after interviewing with Gail we both felt peace about it. She explained how much experience she had, all the interventions she could do at home and that it takes 20 minutes to prepare a surgery room if an emergency happened – more than the amount of time it would take for us to get there. We both did birth classes, I read Ina May’s books on natural birth, listened The Birth Hour podcast and wrote out birth affirmations. I felt very at peace about this process that was about to happen and empowered to do it at home.
Morning came and contractions never started. In fact, I woke up feeling great. I hopped out of bed, assuming it was a false alarm and said to Wayne, “you can go to work, I’m fine J.” I went in for an ultrasound to check my fluid just in case and there was still plenty showing in utero.. so we went on as usual. Albeit, I felt very, very pregnant those last two weeks - tired, crampy and big, it was hard to move. I was still taking the dogs on our morning walk around the pasture but that was about all the activity I could handle. I remember not feeling like I could muster up the energy to walk up the small hill in our yard to the barn more than once a day and needed a nap every afternoon.
Wednesday, July 28, 39 Weeks | Nearly a week later, in the afternoon, I felt the same sensation. I had my friends over for our bible study and didn’t think much of it. I remember telling them, I feel ready. When I mentioned it to my midwife afterwards she said, now this is probably your water. Whoa. I had felt crampy the previous three days and experiencing bloody show. We prepared for labor.
9pm | At bedtime, around 9pm I started having contractions. This was it. Gail had lectured me through most of the last half of my pregnancy to get rest at the beginning of labor so I could get through it in case it happens to be long. She also told me, in the last two weeks to never let myself get overly taxed in a day and take a nap if I could, in case I went into labor - this was great advice. We both went to bed and I rested as well as I could between contractions that began spaced 30 minutes apart, then 20 then 15 and by 3am was too painful to lay down anymore. I got up and leaned against the birthing ball. At that point the contractions were pretty painful and I had a few sporadic ones come at 5 and 3 minutes apart. My mother had a quick labor when she had me and I had an impression that I would too, so we called Gail. She had an hour and forty minute drive and I didn’t want her to miss it!
We had arranged for our doula to be there as well but she hesitantly took a much-needed vacation thinking I wouldn’t go early as a first time mom. She would be arriving back in two days. We actually had a backup doula as well, my massage therapist and friend, and she offered to stand in as well. She was also on vacation, due back in a day. So many people warned me not to plan on going early because of the mental struggle it is for most first-time moms who go overdue. My mother always went early. Three months with my brother, two with me. I crossed my fingers I wouldn’t go that early but I had the impression from the very beginning that I would go a week or two early. Wayne’s late brother’s birthday was exactly one week prior to my due date and my Dad’s two weeks; both legacies we would love for our boy to honor. I came to peace with it a few days prior when processing what would happen if I did go into labor before they returned, but confess that early in the morning as my contractions got worse I frantically text both of them seeing if it was possible for one of them to get back. They couldn’t – but believe me, they would have if it were at all possible. I know it broke my doula’s heart to miss it.
Thursday July 29th, 5:30am | Gail arrived around 5:30am. I remember it well. The moonlight shown into the house as Wayne set up the birthing tub and between pacing, I turned on worship music and set candles around the house and lit them. The holiness of the morning set upon us as I labored with anticipation.
Wayne began to take the place of a doula early on as I experienced back labor. He did counter-pressure. We had done wonderful birthing classes through The Bradley Method, a husband-as-coach method, and though he didn’t think he would need to pay attention to the massage part, he could still recall what to do. At first he didn’t quite get the counter-pressure right, I’d say, “ok stop, that hurts” and I know it discouraged him, although Gail joked with him about it. By the end though, he was the only person I wanted to do it. He mastered it. His hands were raw and he was the best doula I could’ve asked for. God knew.
5:45am | Gail did a cervical check soon after she arrived. I was at 2cm dilated and 90% effaced . It was a small dilation but great effacement, which often means more. My contractions were coming long and hard and Gail told Wayne, we might have a baby by noon. An hour later I was at 3cm and 100% effaced. Very normal progress but not especially fast like we all thought it would be. We sat chatting in the living room between my contractions while the sun came up wondering what the day would bring. I remember thinking; we will have our baby by the end of the day! I was just so excited.
10:30am | The rest of the day was spent in very slow labor. (10:30am 4cm dilated, 11:15 threw up, 1:45pm5cm) My contractions started doubling up, lasting 2 or more minutes and spacing 15 minutes apart. I wasn’t making progress like I should. Overall, labor was not as bad as I anticipated it could have been, I was so happy to be at home looking out at my garden as the sun rose with Wayne and Gail. There were several hummingbirds outside the window that day, it felt like a sweet gift. One would sit on the garden lights and look into the window.
Although, I felt like I was managing the contractions, back labor started getting to me (my cervical position was still posterior) and I was desperate to get in the tub. Gail wanted me to wait until I was at least 6-7cm dilated as sometimes getting into warm water can slow labor down before then. She could tell that baby was turned a little sideways, still deliverable, but assumed that was also slowing things down. We did lots of positions to try and get things moving.
3:30pm | Gail gave me a deep tissue massage and I was able to take a nap, Wayne as well. We felt pretty tired already from an interrupted night of sleep and early morning. I remember thinking that I thought I’d have my baby by now. I still felt positive and strong though and dug down for more stamina.
4:00pm | When I woke up at 4 the contractions started coming regularly. Wayne really amped up his encouragement as to try and get us all motivated to keep going. He had hit a wall before our nap and things were finally going somewhere. At this point I started managing the contractions by making low tones with my voice. It was a conscious effort not to make high-pitched cries in pain, which I knew would make my body tense, and keep it from opening up. I kept thinking, “down and out.” Sounds funny, but it helped so much to visualize it.
6:00 pm | Finally around 6pm I was at 7cm. Gail could tell baby was still turned a little sideways, and despite efforts, wasn’t turning. We called our chiropractor who offered to come out and adjust me in case that helped.
While waiting for her, I was finally allowed to climb into the tub. It felt glorious! It soothed my back pain so much and I felt empowered more than ever to birth this baby! Wayne was still doing counter pressure while taking trips to the stove to heat water to keep the tub warm. He was so good!
7:52pm | My chiropractor and her assistant arrived and gave me a quick adjustment (she assessed that my pelvis was actually out of place, eek). They both decided to stay and see me through, fascinated to witness a home birth. Gail’s birthing assistant also arrived and the whole team was amping up to bring this baby into the world. Wayne was making coffee for everyone between rushing back before my contractions hit. I had a beautiful playlist going.
8:30pm | My contractions and progress were going slowly but steadily now. At 8:30 pm I was 8cm dilated and my cervix changed to anterior (the correct position for delivery- likely due to the adjustment!).
At 9:45pm I finally got to 9cm. Though we were all pretty exhausted we felt we were in the home stretch! Gail and her assistant laid their tools out for delivery, got the receiving blankets ready and I waited to feel the urge to push!
That is where things took a turn. We tried for another 4 hours, but I was not progressing to full dilation. I had come so far and only had 1cm left to go. I didn’t even realize it was the wee hours of the morning while we tried different positions out of the tub to try and get baby to turn and me dilated (1am). My midwife is a goddess. She, along with her assistant, my chiropractor and massage therapist who came straight from the airport at midnight, did everything possible to give me the chance to birth at home.
2:50am | At 2:50am, exhausted and quietly discouraged, we talked about our options. Gail explained that, though it was not an emergency; mine and baby’s vitals were coming out strong the whole time, we could go into the hospital and get me an epidural so that I could rest and start Pitocin to try and get me to full dilation. This way we could still hope for a vaginal birth. I had been giving it everything I had - I didn’t know I had so much stamina within me- but I was ready to have this baby.
3:37am | Gail drove Wayne and I to the hospital in her car. She told Wayne, outside of my earshot, that it’s possible the jostling in the car would cause me to progress and I could birth there. Oh my. The opposite happened, though the contractions were very hard to manage in the car, I somehow managed to fall asleep. We arrived to Ruby Memorial Hospital in Morgantown at 4:30am.
Friday July 30, 4:30am | We were in great hands at Ruby, the nurses and midwives were very kind and attentive, all friends of Gail’s, and I was so lucky they allowed her to join us. As, former colleagues of hers, they consulted with her on the plan of care for me. Gail held my exhausted body while they administered the epidural into my back. I was not managing the contractions well at this point after being in the car and having to be hooked up to IV’s. I welcomed the pain relief. We all got some much-needed rest once it kicked in. In between naps the nurse and Gail monitored the Pitocin and my contractions… I had sadly regressed to 7cm dilation between home and the trip to the hospital. We tried a few more things to try to get baby to move, still trying to give me every chance to birth vaginally.
I had been throwing up consistently throughout labor and though I tried to keep food down at the beginning, I wasn’t able to anymore since two o’clock the day before. I was feeling weak now, nearly 24 hours later. Not being allowed to eat was one of my fears of giving birth in the hospital and it seemed extra hard now. The epidural began to wear off on my left side and I began feeling the contractions and back pain again. It felt nearly unbearable to endure strapped to the bed. I cried a little. They upped my dosage but it only helped partially. I had a button I could push to administer a small amount of medicine through the IV every so often. The next hours were spent curled up in pain, pushing that button as soon as I was allowed to again. I had not progressed past 7cm and baby still hadn’t turned. I could hear Wayne and Gail discussing options in the background.
4pm | By 4pm we decided to schedule me for a C-section. I felt sad that I couldn’t have him naturally, but truly felt we had tried everything we could!
It had crossed my mind to prepare for a C-section just in case, but I really didn’t imagine it happening. Major surgery was a scary thought to me. The idea of being cut open alone was enough but the recovery afterwards was really what I didn’t want while trying to enjoy my newborn. I grabbed Gail and said, “You have to walk me through this.” She took my hand and talked me through the whole process. I wanted to cry but I stayed strong, I knew I had to do it.
Wayne was just as scared, though he didn’t show it. He had been strong for me the whole time. When they scheduled us for 6:30pm, Wayne came by my bedside and said he was going to run to the gift shop and would be right back. I told him to please not leave me but he said he just needed a minute. He hadn’t packed a hospital bag at 37 weeks when I mentioned that he should, because he didn’t think he’d need it, and generally trusts his ability to perform on the fly. He was so busy gathering my things and getting us ready to go though that he didn’t think about getting anything for himself. His socks were still wet from filling the tub up at home, he hadn’t changed clothes in two days and he needed deodorant. He felt pretty miserable at this point and needed to get himself ready to support me through surgery.
After deciding on a C-section they no long allowed me to drink any fluids. I remember feeling so hungry and thirsty and not sure I could get through surgery without a bite of food or a sip of water… I asked Gail if I please could. She said no, she knew the rules, but let me rinse my mouth with water and spit it back out. It was nearly two days since labor started, with two nights of sleep missed and my body was wearing out.
6:00pm | A little before 6 they were ready for us and Wayne put on his sterile gown. He looked like the Michelin man. I was wheeled to the surgery room and greeted by what would become my hype team. I thank the Lord for this surgery team; it changed the whole experience for me. Ruby is a teaching hospital and filled with young, eager students and willing teachers. They are very proficient. This was their 6th C-section of the day; only 3 were scheduled ahead of time. They were on a roll and you could feel the energy in the room and that they loved their job. They were bustling around but all acknowledged me when I was rolled in, saying things like, “Are you ready for this?” “You’ve been laboring for two days? You look amazing!” “We’re going to take great care of you.” I felt like a human again, not just a laboring, still-pregnant body. I even laughed. The head surgeon introduced himself and said he heard that my epidural was wearing off so they would just give me a spinal tap to re-numb me. I was so relieved. The young girl, who had complimented me, stood in front of me and held my hands while they administered it. You have to sit extremely still during these things and it is hard to do while in pain.
I knew that if I had to lay down flat I would throw up, the reflex was unstoppable at this point, and I asked if I could be propped up. They did the best they could but I had to lay down pretty flat. They put a curtain up between my head and my belly so I couldn’t see- I was thankful for that. The anesthesiologist stood behind my head and told me to let him know exactly how I was feeling, that he was there to keep me comfortable. I got extremely queasy and he administered nausea medicine in my IV while giving me a pan to throw up in and changing out my soiled pillow. You’d think he had five hands. He was so kind and attentive.
They had me set up in minutes and began surgery. Wayne had come in and sat by my head and held my hand as he watched. I threw up the whole time but knew I was getting my baby soon and thankful I didn’t feel anything from the surgery.
Friday, July 30th, 6:29pm | At 6:29pm when they pulled him out, someone shouted, “He’s a ginger!” Ohhh…. I couldn’t believe it. I had waited so long to meet this baby. Even though I had red hair as a child, I had imagined him with either light blonde or dark brown hair. This was such a surprise. I couldn’t wait to see him. They took him back to be inspected by NICU right away because he had significant bruising around his groin area, an unusual place, and asked Wayne to come back to see. Perhaps this was part of the reason he didn’t come down all the way or turn. He weighed 7lb 9oz and measured 20” long. Despite the bruising, everything checked out ok and Wayne brought him out to see me while I was being stitched up. I felt very groggy but was so happy to meet my boy. Wayne held him by my face and I kissed him but longed for the moment when they were done and he could be on my chest. This wasn’t how I imagined this moment being. After 46 hours from the start of labor, all the pain medication and throwing up… I hardly felt present.
A really sweet moment was after they finished inspecting him, before I got to see him, Wayne says he was red faced, swinging his fists and ready to fight. He thought to himself, “That’s my boy.” As he came back into the room he said, “Hey, its daddy” and he immediately quieted and looked toward him. He recognized his voice. Wayne took him in his arms. His name is Alexander Layne, defender of men; son of a warrior.
They stitched me up pretty quickly and wheeled me back to our room, where Wayne and Alex were already. I got my moment with him on my chest and it was glorious. So, so glorious.
In the end, I truly loved my experience at home laboring and would do it again. I only wish I was able to birth there, but I had such an amazing team and felt so supported that I did not feel my C-section was traumatic. The recovery looked daunting at first- I could hardly move the first couple days so Wayne had to bring Alex to me for every feeding through the night, and I slept in my recliner for the first two weeks- but I healed surprisingly quick. I was able to move around well after a week and really felt well. My physical therapist had told me that if possible, to exist in my bed or on my couch for the first two weeks postpartum and I would see my healing multiply (for a natural or surgical birth). I’m so thankful I was able to do that with help.
Alex is three months old now and so many things have happened from birth until now. In fact, that’s when the real journey started for me, but I will tell that story another day. Right now, I am LOVING this sweet stage. I looked up the meaning of a hummingbird visit and found that it symbolizes bringing playfulness and joy into your life, lightness of being and enjoyment of life. That he is. That he is.
