Every once in a lifetime, you gain a friend who fills the role of family.
Carrie talked at the funeral about their home being open to anyone.. and that they often had guests over for dinner and on holidays, at the pool, for daily activities, and anytime really. Her mom had an open door policy and impacted many many souls because of it. I was one of those lucky recipients.
Nettie took my mom and us kids in some thirty years ago now when my mom was new to the community and to the faith. She welcomed us into their everyday life, where mom learned skills like cooking, canning, sewing and generally just how to have fun. I have so many memories in that home in Winesburg… swimming, sledding, horseback riding, being toted around to various church and family functions with the Troyer family and summers at Camp Buckeye. Nettie was the first person mom entrusted to watch us. She was also the first she shared her testimony with. Nettie was a friend by trade and a teacher inadvertently.
She would be the first to say that she was imperfect. She shared her mistakes openly with her children and friends so that we could learn from them. She was doing her best to live a Godly life and raise her children to do the same. I was directly influenced by that pursuit.
Nettie’s children Carrie, Anson, Ben and Koby, Myron, her friends and her extended family feel like family to me… because she included us in it. Talking with one of her sisters at the funeral, she said… there were few conversations we had that didn’t include you guys (my brother and mom and I). It was the same in reverse. Nettie talked about all of her family, nieces, nephews and friends like her family. They were always on her mind. When one of them had a concern, it became her concern. I remember, staying overnight once and sitting at the table for breakfast, her children had went to school already.. it was just her and I. As she was spreading jam on my toast she was talking with me about one of her nephews who was having a difficult time. She said to me, “What could we do for him?” I was much too young to answer, probably 5 or 6… but that memory became stamped in my mind. Nettie cared and she included all of her loved ones in the journey.
I remember another time sleeping over, that Nettie got up with her teenage boys, while it was still dark; they were working construction jobs, to sit at the breakfast table with them and read them devotions. She did this every morning… Carrie confirmed, while they (all the kids) were at home. I got the impression they were less than interested at this age… :) but I have no doubt that her dedication to the faith influenced their own walk with God. They have all done beautiful things for the Lord in their own time.
She spent time in the word, herself, everyday early in the morning. She was a favorite women’s Sunday School teacher, never preaching, always with a confession of her own. She had a quiet, warm way of filling roles that served as a foundation in any organization she joined… the church, youth group, school, etc. To me, and I think many others, Nettie and her family were the church. Never seeking attention or validation, she was just there; available and willing to serve. I think it was her consistency and commitment that made church and things she was involved in feel safe and worthwhile.
When I visualize her in my mind, I see tender eyes. She cried easily. She was vulnerable and loving.
She wasn’t the most stylish or hippest mom, but she’d wrap you in a hug with her softness and warm hands without hesitation. That, really is what matters. I see her strong hands, conditioned from hard work. Her brother talked about her growing up a tomboy and loving farm work. She could handle what boys her age could most of the time. I remember her inviting me to join her and Vickie butchering chicken when I was a teenager, because she figured it was a skill I’d want to learn. Haha… I wish I would’ve… think I was busy that day. Carrie, I think you picked up this grit… you are one of the most capable farm hands to your husband I know… and I recall getting an invitation to help butcher a beef with you guys in the same way… I was there for that one. :) More than farm work, gardening, sewing and childcare, I see her hands making bread. This woman, is where I gained a love for dough. I can see her hands rolling out dough to make her mother’s bread recipe and hundreds of cinnamon rolls on that countertop now and think I always will. Thank you Nettie for teaching me… I don’t think I’ll ever be as good as you, but perhaps my heart will be warmed each time I knead my hands into dough.
For these reasons, I have a person and a home who feels like home to me outside of my own.
This, I have discovered is very rare. It is very special.
I had no idea as child that this would become a saving grace for me in my young adulthood or how much I would need it. God did.
He placed Nettie and her family in our lives 30 years ago to play this role on His behalf.
I thank my mother also for allowing her to be apart of our lives so young and so intimately.
There is something special about a steady bond that is formed for children when they are young, extending to adulthood. It’s like having a childhood friend… they have seen you through it all and they just know. You can’t replicate that with new friends. I encourage you moms, to involve your children with others like this. We were made for community.. to share life together… and you never know what will happen. Your children will inevitably benefit from having friends who serve as a second family. Those friends will serve purposes that you can’t, as we each have unique things to offer.
Talking with Nettie in the recent years about what it meant to me that she opened up her home to us as children, she told me that she needed us and the other people in her home too. They were a comfort to her in hard times, an encouragement to keep going. This comforts me. We all need each other.
When she was diagnosed with terminal cancer last Spring, after a clear scan from a previous bout, it felt unfair. Unfair, for a woman like her, who gave herself so selflessly to others and still played such a valuable role in her children, grandchildren and friends lives, to go so early. She accepted it without a ton of fuss; deciding to forgo treatment (which didn’t give her much more time) and enjoy the time she had left with her loved ones. She trusted the Lord.
I’ve had tears and anger fill up inside of me whenever I would think of it this past year… and this week after getting the news, felt threatened with despair. We will all grieve her, especially her children, whom no one can replace her role. I don’t feel ready to let her go, I still need her too, I got the feeling though, that she has left a legacy for me to pick up. For all of us.
To be the “home” that others need with open hands and an open heart.
To seek after the Lord daily and simply do the best we can, letting others be apart of our journey.
To be vulnerable, loving and selfless.
To serve.
To be a friend.
She is the woman I want to become.
Thank you Nettie for setting this example.
I know you are welcomed into heaven with open arms. Your Father has been longing for you, his precious child!
A celebration is bursting forth!
