The Man of My Dreams & The Goodness of God

March 21, 2017 Shyla Yoder

THE GOODNESS OF GOD

Who would’ve thought I’d meet the man of my dreams and be getting married in two months? Not me! This time last year I didn’t even know Wayne.

Although, I’d have to say that I hoped for it. I had this small inclination these past few years that the Lord was preparing me and the past one I felt strongly that it was going to happen that year. My amish grandpa wrote in one of my birthday cards that, "I think it's going to happen this year Shyla, us old people know things like that." :)

When I feel those inclinations, I hold them with an open hand. The Lord never tells us exactly what is going to happen and I have found that often how I interpret something is not the same as his plan! The past three years have been a work of trust, surrender and hope and now that the time has come, I am so overwhelmed at God’s goodness!
After meeting Wayne, I told the Lord, “I would’ve waited longer for him!”

Along the way of waiting, it is important to give yourself over to the Lord and be okay if your prayer is not God’s will. There is amazing work of trust and wholeness that develops when you do that. It is also important to learn to hear the voice of the Lord in your life as well. Everyone has their own unique relationship with the Father and hears him uniquely. I felt the Lord telling me in the past year that hope is so important to him. He gets soo much glory when we hope that he will do something that he has promised to do! The bible talks about Simeon who waited most of his life for the coming of Jesus and whose earnest hope was fulfilled. I also felt him speak to me that waiting does not mean our dreams diminish. The notion that what we are asking for will lose it’s goodness as time passes. No, that's not the kind of Father we have. In fact, God is a WAY bigger dreamer than any of us ever could be. And he is in the business of making dreams happen friends! HE IS.

(If you find yourself going through a season of trust-development along that path – consider yourself lucky. ;) You’ll be glad).

THE MAN OF MY DREAMS

Wayne is the man of my dreams.

He popped into my life while I was sitting on the couch one Thursday evening (September 8th)… when he messaged me and told me that he liked my blog and to keep the good work up. I noticed he was a friend of my friends Roxie & Eli, and I remembered Eli talking about a couple of good guys in West Virginia that he’d gotten to know through work. So I took the risk and opened up...

...and it’s been history ever since!

Wayne’s side: He was sitting by a fire one night, (said he felt content with his life but was in a place where he had the longing to share life with someone), and stumbled across one of my blogs. He opened it up and as he began reading he said to himself, "This is the kind of girl I want to marry!" He spent the next four hours reading everything he could get his hands on before messaging me.

I opened up and he kept messaging me… finally, I asked Roxie & Eli about him and then Eli, feeling curious and protective made a point to stop by and see Wayne the next time he was in Ohio to investigate this situation. Wayne hadn’t mentioned me to anyone at this point and was pretty guarded about his intentions but he asked me out that weekend. (Sometimes you don’t know how much your friends care until you do ;P - Thanks Eli).

I actually had a little panic that week while waiting for our date. I think I felt so much anticipation, feeling like it was the right time, but knew nothing about Wayne. I was deathly afraid it wouldn’t work. I ended up surrendering it to the Lord again and trusted that he had my dreams in mind, even if this didn’t work out.

I knew he had a black pick-up and when I pulled into Wallhouse Coffee that morning and saw him sitting inside… all of my fears melted. He came around his truck and hugged me and as I sat across from him in the booth; I trusted him. I saw something in his eyes that I could relate to. It wasn’t until the next night when he called me that I was sure, but he said he drove out of that parking lot and told himself, “I’m gonna marry that girl!”

We spent the first month getting to know each other, in what seemed magical, and still does. I don’t think either of us was prepared for what was happening. Both of us had waited for that feeling, that spark and connection. We turned down really good guys/ girls because we believed there was something more. But we didn't realize how much God would answer that prayer.

Wayne told me the second time we were together, sitting in my garden, that I was everything he’d dreamed of since he was a boy. I didn’t know if I should really believe him at that point – but I knew I felt the same way. I felt like I had known him all of my life… I understood him… I wanted to be a part of his childhood and hold his memories.
This was my person.

We had so much fun those first few months (and still do ;).. He romanced me… took me on adventures and made moments special. I think it was the first time that either of us felt like we could give our all/ let someone in fully, and it was SO absolutely beautiful!

I couldn’t have chosen someone better for myself and am still in awe that it has actually happened! I'm getting married in June and feel so lucky! I always hoped that when it happened it would be a testimony, not just to me but everyone who knows and loves me, of God's goodness.

What a gift.

Thank-you Jesus.

An Open Letter To Those Who Are Grieving

December 21, 2016 Shyla Yoder

You’re not going to have an appetite. Nothing will taste good. It will feel wrong to enjoy anything. Nothing will bring you joy – not the pretty little things or the usual pleasures that normally make you happy.

If there was a visual, it will flash through your mind at unexpected times and a gag reflex will make you feel like throwing up. Then you’ll break down in sobs wondering, why did this happen?

There will be moments that you feel ok; you’ll forget and feel bad about it. There will be times of normalcy and times where it doesn’t feel like reality. You may grieve today, tomorrow, in three months or a year from now. The most important thing for you to know is that every one grieves differently and it is a process that you can’t control. Let it happen as it happens. It’s ok to be fine most of the time and then to breakdown and not know why. Let yourself cry. Don’t look for the reason. Just let yourself.

You may feel like punching a brick wall, like breaking something; everything. Do that. Break something until your heart can grieve. You can and need to release that anger. If you don’t do it in a healthy way, it will come out in an unhealthy one. Go out and beat the hell out of an old piece of metal until the tears roll, then fall to the ground and let yourself cry.

You’ll lose the flavor for life and ask, why? WHY? Why me, why him? Why her? You may feel abandoned, betrayed, hurt, angry, furious, forgotten, unfairly dealt with, like your life is ruined and unable to return to anything good.

You’ll entertain the question for a few seconds of, what if this didn’t happen? Of how you could take it back and if you could undo it how much better things would be now. Try not to do that.

Treasure the good things about the person and talk about it as much as it comes to mind; don’t avoid it. Encourage yourself by how proud the person you lost would be of you and how much they’d enjoy being with you right now. But don’t stay in the “what if.”

Moving forward will seem impossible and wrong. It will feel like a betrayal to your loved one and to your own heart. It is a special process to navigate. I pray that the Lord shows you how to navigate yours. You may need to talk about it, let the anger, grief, sadness; whatever you’re feeling, out everyday. Talk about it. Let it out. You don’t need to solve the problems or figure it out, but give it to the Lord each time. Ask the Lord to heal you in His time. One day, maybe a year down the road, you’ll realize that you are talking about it less. That the anger is leaving. That the joy is returning. And that may seem like betrayal to you, but know that your loved one is still with you, loving you, proud of you. It will be a process. Don’t rush it. You’ll get tired of listening to yourself and tired of feeling the way you feel, but trust that God is healing you.

“How blessed is the man whose strength is in You, In whose heart are the highways to Zion! Passing through the valley of weeping they make it a spring; The early rain also covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength, Every one of them appears before God in Zion.”

— Psalm 84:5-7

Let me warn you and comfort you that you will feel like abandoning your faith. Nothing can ever, ever prepare you for grief. The loss of someone sewn into your own soul is never something that you will want to entertain or prepare for. We’re not made to. And love wouldn’t be what it’s meant to be if we held ourselves back from attachment. Loss is apart of the fallen, sin-filled world we live in and it’s just not God’s original intention. So when you lose someone, you feel like part of you is being ripped out; and the uncontrollable finality of it makes you angry at the power that is in charge or what seems like incapable to save. It shakes your world around in a way you’d never ask for.

That heart-wrenching, “betrayal-like” pain will make you feel angry at God and question what you believe.

Let me tell you something that you need to know. God is ok with you being angry with him. HE IS OK WITH YOU ASKING WHY. Do you know why? Because the person we ask questions to, is the person we believe has the answers. Questioning invokes belief. That is what makes the “real-thing” different from the fake. A real God can stand on who he is – true, faithful and good. What’s real is not afraid to be questioned.

If I could say one thing to you, to anyone – It would be,

“Get angry with God, take your (angry, mad, hurt) questions to him and let him prove to you (in a sometimes lonnnng journey) that He is good // faithful // and true.”

It’s ok for that to take awhile. But if you can choose that over bitterness and resentment – then you are conquering your pain. Let yourself feel the things you are feeling, it’s INCREDIBLY important in your healing process to do that, but let God in on the journey. Let him into the hurt, pain and questioning. It’s ok to be angry with him, but choose to trust him. And let Him prove himself to you.

[ It is an extremely special privilege to be invited into this process and extremely special people come out of it. ]

Let me tell you that.

I can’t tell you now- but I must say this here –

“You will never ever want to relive this situation – but if you choose to trust – you will become something that you will never want to take back.”

I’m praying for you. I feel you. My heart grieves with you in a way that needs no apology. And I know that you were made for this. Before you were born, God created you for this.

You are in God’s hands.

Don’t give up.

Learning to Trust | Embracing What’s Uncomfortable

November 4, 2016 Shyla Yoder

I’m sitting on a porch right now, gazing into a forest of tall autumn-clad trees. It’s a myriad of warm color from mustard to burnt orange to rustic red. There’s something about the fall that gives you a sense of calm, fills your lungs up with breath – maybe one you had been holding in for awhile, and brushes across your face with the wind of the spirit saying, “It’s going to be okay.”

Fall is often seen as a time of change… and change is challenging. With every season closed is the hope of a new beautiful thing, sometimes one that we pine for and welcome, but the transition in between is often very very challenging.

Why is that? Often in transition, we see something end without knowing what will come next and that is an uncomfortable, if not scary, thing. I’ve not always experienced that. In some ways, transition has happened very smoothly for me. The next thing was right there, waiting for me. In other ways, it has not. I think that sometimes God allows us to linger in transition for a reason. There’s a specific work that can be done in that season that cannot be done otherwise and is most likely a work that needs to be done in order for you to enter the next one.

I can honestly say, that I’m thankful that God makes us ready. That he teaches us hard lessons, and develops things in us during uncomfortable, messy seasons. I’ve just recently reached the other side of one of those seasons, that seemed to drag out for years of trusting and yearning, and the gift God’s given is so overwhelmingly good, that I’ve said to myself these things: This is SOO worth it. Every single moment of waiting was worth this. Did I wait long enough?? Am I ready? I’d wait this long all over again to have something this good.

It’s true, I really would. I think that I preach the same message over and over again when I write because there are a few things in my life that the Lord has really seen that I understand. Trust is one of them. (Read this post about saying yes to allowing God to work in your life). I am wholeheartedly convinced that TRUST is one of the most important things to the heart of God. That it is one of the most valuable, and when I say valuable, I mean touches and moves the heart of God, the most. Do you want to know why? This is what I’ve learned, TRUST IS VITAL TO LOVE, and what God wants most from his children is an exchange of love. It’s the reason why he created us. He had a heart-wrenching longing, a need, a passionate desire to share His love with other beings.

“That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.”

— 2 Timothy 1:12

One of the simple, most important things that we can know about love is that it is a two-way exchange. The love of God is unconditional for us. It is present for unbelievers and His followers alike. However, when you love someone you want them to feel your love! What purpose is it after all, if the woman you love cannot experience the depth of what she means to you?

The gateway to this exchange is trust.

Is that monumental friends? I think it is.

Jesus wants you to feel His love. And you know what? When you allow God to do the work of trust in your heart and begin receiving His love, love in your heart towards Him (and others! He is the source of love for everyone else!) will happen in response! God is the maker of love. HE IS LOVE. He is where we receive love, learn how to receive it and give love.

Let Jesus do the work of trust in your heart. Let him build that with you. Let him show you that he’s trustworthy. That he sees beyond your imperfection and your fears and loves you still. Wholly, deeply, entirely!

Embracing uncomfortable places may be your way to reach that.

Relax, you’re in good hands. Beautiful things are happening right now.

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